two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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