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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
