listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
