My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Threesome in a minivan. New low
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
