We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
