dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
