can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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