Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
