Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
