cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
