I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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