Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
