I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
