I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
do nipples grow back?
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