He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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