i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
