You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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