what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
