I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
