She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
