Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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