he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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