woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
