I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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