i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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