Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
