I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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