i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
