Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
