its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
