i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
