is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
