It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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