so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
