man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
