Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
