So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
