I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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