I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
smell my finger.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
