WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
