it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
