If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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