You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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