We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
