i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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