you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think people are normalizing furries
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
