She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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