I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
