maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
