Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
