she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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